Game of Thrones Recap: Breaker of Chains
Season 4; Episode 3
Spoilers are coming
Aiight, before getting into this review proper, I can’t ignore what is already being circulated and that’s the fact that the scene with Jamie and Cersei in the sept was pretty different in the book. As in, Jamie didn’t rape her and the act was consensual in the book “Storm of Swords.” I got nothing funny or entertaining to offer as far as gifs or memes on the subject, especially when these cats inexplicably were like, “yo, this story of incest actually needs more rape.” So there’s that. Let’s get back to our scheduled program.
The episode picks up right where the last one led off, with Joffrey dead as a muthafucka and Cersei feeling some kind of way about that. The Fool leads Sansa out of city in the most exciting, empty street escape you’ll ever see. Right before Little Finger pays him in cross bolts to the chest for his troubles.
If there’s a creepier “I took your mom’s virginity and I am really trying to make that happen for you too,” bastard than Little Finger, then I ain’t met the cat.
Highlight of the episode for me was Tywin holding court with Tomin while his brother layin there, again, dead as a muthafucka. We got the history of the Seven Kingdoms and Cersei wasn’t happy about it, but Tywin basically ignored her like:
*************skipping the incest rape scene right quick*************
While my favorite character in Dem Thrones is Arya, they stretching out her time with Hound a little too much at this point. Shit was cute at first with her pretending to be his daughter, but shit was mad anticlimactic after he robbed their hosts and all she was left with was, “Oh yeah, I forgot you give zero fucks.”
Another weak part of the episode was Sam and Gillie’s scenes. I’m all up for some good awkward Sam time and I understand taking the black means you no longer get to indulge the flesh, but yo…ain’t a 1000 cats at Castle Black sittin up fantasizing about Gillie man. Let’s be honest for a hot second. Sweet girl…but she got her father’s features. And his son. His literal son.
You know what we need more of this season though: More Davos. Who knew this cat learning to read would lead to better one liners.
Of course, we got a great scene between Tywin and Oberyn who negotiated a truce in a brothel. I love Oberyn, b. Even if he always remindeds you how terrible your sex life is compared to his.
Man, they have orgiesonorgiesonorgies. Meanwhile Tywin, who probably swore off sex altogether since it last produced Tyrion, got more important business. It was cool to see him admit to believing that Daenery’s has dragons and has an urgency to form an alliance with Dorne. As usual, anytime you give Tywin a couple of scenes in an episode, he just owns that shit.
Let’s not forget about the Wildlings who are running up in villages like:
Ygritte especially who seems as cold as ever after Jon Snow hit it, stuck around for a while, killed a couple of her companions, then quit it.
Of course, the finale was with Dany on the door step of the city of Mereen with her non-endowed army. After Mereen sends a single rider out on some disrespectful shit
Then, every man except Renly’s ghost tries to volunteer to take on Mereen’s challenger. Ser Barriston was like, no man alive has won more battles then me…cough…cough
But we know Greyworm and Ser Jorah are fighting for honor, favor and the opportunity to see Khaleesi’s Khalessi parts. She found the nicest way possible of shutting that shit down.
Thanks but no thanks fellas.
But New Daario, this kid New Daario doeeeee, sheeeeeyet. She didn’t even blink when he offered himself up. Of course she was worried at first, but once he take care of business, she quickly turned
The episode ends on a high note, which typically happens when they let Khalessi close it out as she can also translate Harriet Tubman into High Valerian.
All in all, a good episode of TV, even if it was pretty average for a Thrones episode. Looking froward to the impending war at the Wall and more Kings Landing fuckery next week.
I always thought that Clark and Bruce’s reactions were so juvenile with the whole Maxwell Lord thing. I mean, he was in the LASSO OF TRUTH and he had absolutely no intention of releasing Superman from his control and Max had almost used him to kill Wonder Woman. This of course was AFTER he already killed Ted Kord, who had no super powers, which went against Checkmate’s ideology. He could have used Superman to kill all of the other superheroes but did either of them think about this? Nope they just went straight to condemning Diana. She did what needed to be done, but they were too high up on their pedestals to see that. This is why I like Wonder Woman though, because although she preaches peace and love she is still a warrior. She does the things that Batman and Superman are afraid or won’t do.
300: RISE OF THE EMPIRE [Review]
Let’s be honest, shall we? You don’t so much want to know if 300: Rise Of An Empire is
goodas much as you want to know if it matches the legendary defiance, quotable-laden, violently-beautiful excellence of it’s rather epic predecessor, right? Yeah, I know. And I could tell you that right off the bat, but then this wouldn’t be much of a post & MGMT (the Boss, not the band) would side-eye me into a hunchback curse (& none of us want that TRUST). So instead let’s break down some of the key elements of the two movies to compare/contrast & see what we come up with.
INTENSE SLOW-MOTION FIGHTS & GORE: CHECK
In terms of emphasizing every sword clash, blood spill, and carefully rendered CGI effect by slowing down the action to a crawl/speeding it up/repeat- it’s essentially the original 300 hopped up on Bane serum. The movie was clearly constructed for 3D consumption as splatter would float & arc as if contemporary art & everything was shot to come right at you. This is for better AND worse, because though visually eye-popping, it actually loses a bit of the visceral grit that gave Leo & his Spartans a human connection to the audience and, in my opinion, made the story memorable & had a young lord dropping the classic word on some ‘04 College Dropout-Yeezy shit. Don’t get me wrong, ROAE has some epic sequences that at times rival even the bASED original (SPOILER ALERT: Theomisticles goes all Knight-To-Queen 3 Checkmate across 3 or so boats THAT ARE SINKING AND ON FIRE using a ((wait for it)) GOT’DAMN HORSE), but its gift just tends to also serve as its curse, having the movie border on absurd and even kinda comical.
For me (and maybe its because I’m a writer & word nerd), one of the coolest parts of the 1st300 was the dialogue between characters & the believable emotion each of the main characters drove it with. Don’t front, we can all recall at least 1-2 quotes from that mug right now without much thought, and were imitating the Spartan front-kick-down-neverending-well on anyone/thing we could find. You may ask “But what does that have to do with the movie?”. Alot actually. We can enjoy plenty movies, but not retain the majority of them. There’s something to be said for any creation being dope and memorable in this mile-a-minute age. That said- ROAE falls short in that department, with notable exception being the leading women since Eva Green (Artemisia) stunts start to finish & Lena Heady (Queen Gorgo/
Cersei Lannister if ya nasty) nails it per usual & has a killer WOWps 1 minute poem near the end. Sullivan Stapleton (Themistocles) holds it down as the head protagonist but its not exactly heavy-lifting considering it’s his character from Strike Back, just with his original accent & 60% more boat. It’s not the same prevalent test of will and might featured 300 and, again, that leaves room for a few napworthy lulls in between action (meaning: DON’T SEE THAT JAWN TOO LATE AT NIGHT).
To truly enjoy this flick you’ve gotta 1. Go see it in 3D; 2. Not view it as a sequel, but an homage featuring a different but equally important story; 3. Receive it as more a yarn being spun about Greek lore (much in the way the original is because that had an ogre giants, Notre Dame hunchbacks & non-wooly mammoths so it ain’t like that was any more “realistic”). It’s an entertaining romp through everything the Id secretly wants now & again but never really gets so go ahead and indulge, just do so under the right mindstate. And at the end of it I challenge you to ask yourself this question, and have an honest self-conversation because I believe it’ll be a valid debate: Who was the badder mo’fo?
PROS: Epic fights, Artemisia’s non-stop Shade fest, Queen Gorgo’s “poem” at the end
CONS: Mostly C average writing, sophomore album filler-level lulls between action, cartoony over-emphasis on 3D FX